As a therapist who works with many adult children of immigrant parents, those who live in the U.S. but grew up in another country, third culture individuals, transnational adoptees and individuals who are part of a religious minority, I understand the complexities of holding multiple identities. If you hold multicultural identities, you might feel that you’re straddling two different worlds. Balancing your family’s culture and the values of mainstream American society can create resilience and adaptability and other times, it can leave you uncertain of where you belong and feeling “not enough” for either culture. 

If you had immigrant parents, you may carry a deep sense of responsibility to succeed, to give back to your parents, or to make the most of the opportunities you have that previous generations in your family did not. While this can be motivating, it can also come with guilt, resentment or feelings of unworthiness if you haven’t met their spoken or unspoken expectations.

Common issues include:

• Feeling like you don’t fully belong in either culture.

• Struggling with survivors’ guilt if not everyone in your family managed to overcome difficult circumstances.

• Pressure to achieve academic, financial, or career success.

• Difficulty setting boundaries with parents or family.

• Feeling guilty for prioritizing your own needs, not wanting to fulfill parental expectations or wanting independence.

• Experiencing misunderstanding or isolation from friends or colleagues who don’t share your background or pressures.

You may have also been “parentified” and expected to take on responsibilities such as translating, mediating between your family and the outside world, acting as a parent’s confidante or supporting your parents financially. You might take pride in this but also feel burdened, and uncertain whether you’re doing it out of a sense of obligation or out of true desire.

As a culturally sensitive therapist, I offer a safe space for you to understand and process these experiences and a way to navigate family dynamics. You may feel guilty even considering going to therapy since growing up, spending money on your emotional well being was not something your parents encouraged. Growing up it might have been assumed that therapy was only for people who had severe problems. But going to therapy isn’t about rejecting your culture or family, it’s about understanding yourself and your patterns better so that you can go from just surviving to thriving. 

Healing may look like defining success on your own terms, building self-esteem outside of achievement and productivity or learning new patterns of relating. It might also look like exploring your identity and sense of belonging or alienation. You may want to process guilt and pressure related to family expectations or explore intergenerational trauma. 

As you embark on this meaningful journey, it’s important to have a culturally competent therapist to be your companion along the path. You may not have had immigrant parents or have grown up outside the U.S. but you may still identify with the above themes and issues. I welcome and work with clients of all backgrounds. Contact me to schedule a free phone consult to see if I might be a good fit for you.