Is This a Midlife Crisis?
/We often picture a “midlife crisis” as something dramatic—an affair, getting plastic surgery, someone impulsively quitting their job or making a sudden life change that surprises everyone around them. However, a midlife crisis isn’t always dramatic although some people might take those actions as a result. It’s actually a psychological crossroads, a moment when the life you’ve built intersects with questions you’ve tried to outrun for years.
While we traditionally associate midlife crises with turning 50, many people now experience these feelings earlier—often in their 30s or 40s. In a high-achieving, high-pressure environment like the Bay Area, fueled by the tech industry and finance, people can achieve financial independence much earlier in life. This leaves people having to grapple with the question of how they want to spend their life, now that money is no longer a driving factor.
Achieving financial freedom is only one of the things that can trigger an existential crisis.
Other common triggers include:
Relationship stress, loneliness, or growing apart from friends
Questioning identity, purpose, or direction
No longer having the option of becoming a mother
A health scare, chronic illness or death of someone
Aging or changes in health and energy
Caring for aging parents
Feeling burnt out or disillusioned by work, getting laid-off
midlife crisis therapy san francisco bay area
Why Midlife Crises Happen
At some point, the momentum that pushed you through your 20s and early 30s slows down. You might look around and realize you’ve been busy building a career, raising kids, or meeting expectations—and suddenly you’re unsure whose life you’ve been living. There’s an awareness that time is moving and something inside feels unfulfilled or unrealized.
Many people spend years moving from one milestone to the next: education, career, partnership, etc.. There’s often little time or space to pause and ask deeper questions. But eventually, something shifts inside.
A midlife or existential crisis might begin with questions like:
Is this really the life I want?
Why doesn’t success feel satisfying?
When did I stop recognizing myself?
Is it too late to change?
What do I actually want from the time I have left?
Were difficult events in my childhood what propelled me to succeed and do I want to finally process those experiences?
What If It’s Not a Breakdown, But a Breakthrough?
Even though it can feel destabilizing, a midlife or existential crisis is often an invitation to evolve into a more authentic version of yourself. It’s a chance to:
Reevaluate what matters most
Create healthier boundaries around time and energy
Spend your time based on what you value rather than on expectations
Reconnect or discover your desires, creativity, and passions
Bring more honesty into your relationships
It’s normal to feel scared or uncertain about making changes, especially when other people depend on you or when you don’t know what comes next. Therapy offers a space to explore the questions surfacing for you and help you create a path forward while also grieving or celebrating leaving a former version or idea of yourself behind. A midlife crisis doesn’t have to be about burning everything down. Often it’s about building something truer.
Contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation to see if therapy might help you.